Saturday, January 29, 2011

It didn't take long...


Hi Daddy! ^^ It feels good to be able to say that to you again! Sooooo happy! :) Anyhow, "It can't be anyone but you. I always wondered why a million "Thank You"'s piled up and before I knew it, it was love. I realized I love you." When I read this in one of the manga that I constantly obsess about, I was filled with happiness. I still want to find that one person who will become my one and only... but until that happens, I will always smile (even if sometimes the smile is fake), and move forward! My dreams won't wait for that one person to find me, and neither will I (even if the time I'm in right now seems long and frustrating). I suck at voicing my feelings, and I'm glad that when I talked it out with my dad, it was through mail... I felt like it was easier to explain myself properly and say what needed to be said. That heavy weight on my chest has lessened and I feel a bit safer inside myself. However, the house I'm in right now hasn't changed... right now, I want to go quickly to my Daddy and hide away there with him and my grandparents who I owe everything to. I'm not easy to reach, but I always feel good to see that they have sent me something through e-mail. Recently, I found out that, whenever I wake up, I have a face filled with tears, my pillow is wet, and I'm sad throughout the morning... I don't know what I dreamed, but it probably has something to do with my mom. I think the reason I've had so many problems with my family is because I can't voice things... my pride, my fears, and my own self thoughts get in the way of speaking... plus, whenever I try to speak it out, and feel like I might be able to say everything, my voice is silenced by a parent who interrupts with yelling or verbal violence. She doesn't listen... never has, never will. I wish I had the strength to speak louder than her and force her to listen. I hate this, but then (meaning just now) I realize that I still have a world I can always escape to. Its my bed, that pillow and the fluffy warmth that puts me to sleep every night. Its warm, but not a normal warmth... maybe safety? or is it comfort? I'm not sure, but whatever it is, its something I've always wanted to feel. I'm just glad that I have at least one parent I can run to ^^ Its been a long time since I've known this feeling... I'm happy, and covered in bliss. I love this moment... I love it! *smilesmilesmilesmile* :3

1 comment:

  1. I love you baby girl, and will always be here for you! Speak freely about what is in your heart. Do what you are passionate about. Dream the impossible dream, and then go do it. We were so close before and i look forward to that again. I miss you very much! You are my girl, and always will be in my heart and so very important to me! Love, Dad

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