It sucks... being a teenager is tormenting.... There are things that I yearn for, and that I desire and lust for, and it makes me so embarrassed when I think about them in class.... It makes me feel like having a boyfriend is just a dream that will never come true. To tell you the truth, I really want to know what it feels like to fall in love, to hold a guys hand, to touch and to feel what it feels like when others touch you. Teenagers always think about this kind of stuff, and especially when they like someone. For me, I've already been rejected twice, and that just makes the dream so much further away. Liking someone is painful... especially when you're so lonely you can hardly bare it. Unfortunately, I'm unable to even confide in my friends on that, and that just makes the fear and loneliness even worse... sadness, fear, and pain never seem to rest in my mind. But! No matter what, (as one of my policies that I live my life by) even if I'm so sad I could care less about life, I know that this is not my life to live, and not my life to toy with. It's the life of my future self, a life that I cherish dearly and tenderly and I will always smile, no matter how painful it is, I will smile and keep waiting patiently until the time comes that I can be happy too, and finally know what it feels like to smile from the bottom of my heart.
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