You've given me so much...

I can't stop crying long enough to do anything. I have a final tomorrow, I have homework to complete, projects to do, life to continue living. But right now none of that matters. She's dying. There's nothing I can do and she's dying. My grandma, the one of three people that I love most in the world is dying of cancer and I can't do anything about it. She has only a few weeks left, says the doctors, and I can't even go see her right now because of school. This is probably the one and only time I've ever truly wanted to completely skip out of school for someone else. I want to be there with her. I want to hold her hand and say "everything is going to be alright," even though I know it won't be. I can hardly see the screen or the keys as I type. I think I've been crying non-stop for the past 4 hours now. I don't want her to die. I don't want to loose someone so special to me. She helped me get my daddy back. She helped me when no one else saw my pain. She was there for me when I needed someone the most. I don't want to loose her. I want my grandma to be okay. I want her to live, to be there when I graduate from college, to see me make her proud, to be there when I tell her how much I love her. Words aren't even enough to express it. I love her more than words can fathom. I love her more than life, more then a future of happiness. I love her and I don't want her to die. Please, by some miracle, please, if there is any god in this world, any heavenly being, please... please somehow make everything okay. Please somehow fix her. Please somehow make her better. Please somehow allow her to live long enough for me to say goodbye. Please. Please. I don't want to miss my chance. I don't want to get there too late. Just one day. Just one day to say goodbye is all I ask. Just one. Please just one. I just need one. Just one. She's given me so much that I couldn't possible give back to her, and now I'll never have that chance....

I love you Grandma, I love to more than anything in the world. You've given me the strength to live, the will to keep trying, to never give in. You've given me the best grilled cheese sandwiches I could ever have. You've given me a loving family I can run to when I need them. You've opened my world and freed me from a cage. You've given me the meaning of life. I love you so much I can't stand to see you go. You'll be in pain, you'll suffer and it will hurt, so I won't ask for anything more than just one day. If you can hold out till I can get to you, I'll promise to hurry as fast as I can to get to your side, to be able to hold your hand tightly and say "I love you more than you'll ever know, you've given me so much I'll never be able to repay, and I know that somehow, someway, everything will be okay. I love you more than life. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. I love you."