Long time no see!!! I feels like so much time has passed since I last posted!!! Here we go!!! Ok so, after confessing the fact that I am a masochist, I have realized the extent of that single word seems to grow with each day (before long, I'll be getting aroused by a cut... scary thought >O<...). I'm not happy about realizing this, but to tell you the truth, I'm not as bothered by it as I thought I was... oh well. I mean, sure I want a relatively cruel and sadistic man, but I also want him to treat me right, ya know? Well... anyways... lots have happened since I last posted and thinking back on it all, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Actually, everything that bothers me and I post about is all kind of the same stuff over and over again. I know I seem like I've gotten over it all and have moved on, but in truth, nothing has changed. Everything is the exact same as it was when I first started posting on this blog. Things still feel awkward with my dad and there's nothing I can do about that since we don't see each other enough to change that. I still hate my mom and everything about her and the things she's done to me without even knowing it. I resent my home life and keep thinking, "I wish things could have been different." At the same time, however, I've noticed that while I write this, I feel nothing. Its like I've become numb to what goes on around me and I think that's what might bother me the most. Either way though, like I said, there's nothing I can do about it. But I know one thing for sure. No matter what happens in my life, and no matter what past I seem to cling desperately to, nothing will change how I shape my future. Nothing will change the way that my future will turn out and how it will become mine some day. That one truth is all I have and is the one thing I can always look forward to. My bright future waits for me, and that's the one thing I won't let anyone take away from me, not even my darker thoughts can change that.
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